Garv From QRE is a Jerk and I Need Your Help

by Brandon

Okay. First and foremost, let me say that Garv – the guy in charge of Quiet Room Entertainment – is my friend. He has been there for me time and time again, and I hope he can say the same about me. I know that if I ever need him for anything serious, he’ll be there. Now… with that out of the way… he’s also a complete jerk.  I’ll explain…

I write articles for QRE quite often, and I enjoy it. It’s a great outlet for me. While Garv is the man with the plan over there, QRE is something we created together. Due to my writing career, I spend the bulk of my time managing Books From Hale (with my wife’s help), so he does most of the managing of the Quiet Room.

It’s a good system and we both enjoy helping each other out when we can.

But every now and then (usually because Garv’s a jerk), we have… issues. One such issue has recently arisen and I need your help to give Garv a big slice of humble pie.

It really started because of a conversation we had. Here’s the conversation (to the best of my memory):

Garv: So how’s your little book site coming along?

Me: It’s coming along nicely. Also, could you please stop calling it my “little book site”?

Garv: Well, peon, perhaps I shall take it more seriously when you have achieved enough Facebook fans to match The Quiet Room. Until then, I shall look upon your “career” like a king looks upon the peasants of his great kingdom.

Me: Why the hell are you talking like that?

Garv: SILENCE! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME THIS WAY!

Me: You’re kind of a jerk, man.

Garv: The Kingdom of the Quiet Room has 257 citizens. How many people live in the realm of Books From Hale?

Me: Shuddup.

Garv: ANSWER ME, DOG!

Me: I have 150 “likes,” if that’s what you’re asking. And I appreciate every damn one of them.

Garv: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Me: Dude, I helped you gain most your QRE fans.

Garv: Perhaps when you reach 200, I shall allow you to dine with me.

Me: That’s it! That’s enough! I challenge you to a Like War!

Garv: I do not recognize your challenge. Your kingdom is not sufficient to warrant my respect.

Me: That’s what I thought. You’re scared.

Garv: I FEAR NOTHING!

Me: Then you accept?

Garv: I accept! But only to teach you a lesson, peasant, about thinking you are above your station.

Me: I don’t know what that means.

Garv (as he ran from the room): NOR DO I! HAHAHAHAHA!

So here I am. Locked in a “Like War” with QRE. I know, I know. I shouldn’t have let him get to me, but I really hate his “Kingly Voice.” On top of that, he’s taken to wearing a crown whenever we’re together.

That’s where you come in. I’m already 100 “likes” behind QRE, but that’s okay. Per the International Doctrine of the Like War, the challenge is about gaining “likes” over a set period of time. The totals don’t matter as long as I gain more “likes” than Garv in the next two weeks.

So I ask you, dear readers, to help me put that snotty jerk in his place. Help me gain as many “likes” as possible within the next two weeks. If you can get your friends to “like” Books From Hale’s Facebook Page, I would deeply appreciate it.

Thank you for your help!

–Brandon

P.S. I suspect Garv will respond to this by posting some lame article on QRE where he’ll give his version of our conversation. Rest assured, his version will be total bull. The transcript above is exactly how the conversation went (more or less).

P.P.S. If you think this is just some lame attempt to gain more likes on my Facebook page, I must say… your jaded attitude makes my heart ache for you.

 

UPDATE: Garv from QRE has posted a response. His response, by the way, is total horsecrap. You can read it here.


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