My Christmas Eve Blog

by Brandon

Well, folks, it’s Christmas Eve! For those who celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas! For those who don’t, Happy December 24th!

In honor of Christmas Eve, I’ve decided to write a Christmas Eve poem. This poem isn’t already written. I’m writing it as I go on, so if it doesn’t seem perfectly polished, that’s why.

Okay, here it is…

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house,
not a creature was stirring
not even my wife.

So I decided to play some X-Box
on the big TV.
Since she was asleep,
I wouldn’t be in her way
by playing on the big TV
in the living room.

Don’t get me wrong,
my wife is cool with
me playing X-Box whenever.
I waited until she was asleep
just to be nice.
See, it’s a respect thing,
not a permission thing.

I mean, it would be rude
to just walk in while
my wife was watching her soaps
and say, “Turn that shit off, woman.
I’m playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed.”

My wife doesn’t actually watch soaps, by the way.
That’s just what I call anything she watches
without me.

Speaking of Star Wars,
I like the prequels.
There, I said it.
Feels good to get that out.

I do admit, however,
that the romance stuff
was total crap.
But the fights in Episode III rocked,
and anybody who says differently
is a damn hipster.

I really hope the elves
love their jobs.
If they don’t,
they have crappy lives.

I think they probably
love what they do.
Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part,
but it’s what I choose to believe.

Coca-Cola didn’t really
invent the red Santa Suit.
That’s a myth, spread by hipsters.
They did popularize that look,
but there are paintings of the “traditional” Santa
dating as far back as 1905.

Anyway, the wife’s asleep.
I’m gonna go play some X-Box.
Merry Christmas to all, and
to all a good night!


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