My Thoughts on the Duck Dynasty Controversy…

by Brandon

Normally, I wouldn’t bother posting about this, for two reasons:

1. I avoid politics on this blog unless I’m deeply moved by an issue.
2. I’ve never watched Duck Dynasty, so I have no idea who these people are.

However, comments about this controversy have absolutely flooded all my social network feeds, which tells me people care deeply about this very important issue. Since this is something people care about, I see it as my duty to my readers to research this issue and weigh in on it. I immediately hit the search engines so I could learn more about this Phil Robertson person. What I discovered was quite incredible…

When I saw his picture, my first thought was, “Oh. My. God. Phil Robertson is a freaking floating head!”

Seriously. Look at that picture.

The guy is a floating head!

How did I not hear about this? When did we achieve this technology and how the hell did I miss it?

We finally have the technology to bring Jambi the Genie from Pee Wee’s Playhouse to life and I have somehow been blissfully ignorant of this incredible achievement.

I’ll be honest here. I’m just flabbergasted by this. I’m flabbergasted that we have achieved this technology and I’m flabbergasted that I hadn’t heard about it until now.

And most importantly, I’m flabbergasted that everybody on the social networks are talking about what he said instead of talking about the fact that he’s a FLOATING HEAD!

I can’t find anything online about how he got this way. Was it an operation? Was he born that way? Perhaps it was magic. I mean, from the looks of that beard, he’s clearly a wizard.

If he is a wizard, perhaps we shouldn’t be so quick to insult him about the controversial things he said. I admit, in Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf yells, “BILBO BAGGINS! I’M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!” I got pretty scared. Wizards are clearly badasses. Maybe we should think twice before intentionally trying to piss off this floating head wizard.

Something to think about.


p.s. Mekka Lekka Hi, Mekka Heiny Ho.

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