Open Letters to Vampires and Werewolves…

by Brandon

An Open Letter to Vampires

Dear Vampires,

Hello.

My name is Brandon Hale. Vampires have been a major part of my life since the first time I read “‘Salem’s Lot” when I was 13 years old. Since then, I’ve read most books about vampires and I’m quite the vampire movie buff. I still read Dracula every October.

As a matter of fact, I owe my career to vampires. My series of novels, Day Soldiers, is about a world-wide war between humanity, werewolves, and vampires.

Yeah, I really feel like I’ve been part of the vampire family for 30 years. Which leads me to the reason I wrote this letter to you guys:

I need a favor.

For the past two years, I’ve been fighting cancer, and, frankly, I’m frickin’ exhausted.

Would it be too difficult for one of you to come and just turn me into a vampire?

I have it all worked out. I’ll keep the secret from the world, but I have a few select friends who I’m sure will periodically donate blood to me. If I can get enough of them to do it, it’ll sustain me without having to kill people.

I’m sure this is a technique you guys use already. Of course, if you have some vampire rule that forbids this, I’ll abide by your rule. I’ll find another way to sustain myself.

The bottom line is this… chemo sucks. I’m ready to be done with it. And you guys can fix that for me.

See, Day Soldiers is a 5 book series, and 4 books are written. Thousands of Day Soldiers fans would be greatly disappointed if I didn’t finish the last book. Just imagine how good it would be if I was a vampire when I wrote it!

If you want to read Day Soldiers, the first books is free (digitally). You can get it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, the iStore, and Smashwords. You can read the first book to see if you like it, then you can move on to the rest. And, of course, if you turn me into a vampire, you’ll get all the books for free. For those who don’t turn me, they’re still very inexpensive books.

So come on, guys. Have a heart. I’ve been fighting this cancer for two years, and I’m tired. Hook a brother up. I’ll deal with all the… side-effects of being a vamp. I’m good at dealing with side-effects.

So if you are a vampire, you should be able to reach me pretty easily. Just let me know if you’re willing to hook me up on some immortality.

Thanks in advance,

–Bran

An Open Letter to Werewolves

(Out of respect for werewolf culture, I’m writing this letter in your own language…)

Ruff woof,

Ruff ruff.

Woof woof ruff ruff arf arf. Woof ruff arf. Arf ruff. Woof woof arf ruff ruff. Ruff arf woof woof. Woof arf ruff! Ruff ruff!

Woof! WOOFWOOFWOOFWOOF! WOOF!

Arf arf.

Woof arf ruff ruff.

Arf arf,

–Bran

 


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