Warm Bodies is a romantic comedy set in a zombie apocalypse. From the trailers, it looked like a fun movie so my wife and I decided to go watch it.
Well, because of this movie I learned something very important. I learned that diabetes will ruin the zombie apocalypse for me.
On the way to the movie, we were discussing what any normal couple would discuss while going to watch a zombie movie… we were discussing our zombie survival plan. First, we covered things like food, water, the safest place to go, rebuilding society. You know, the basics.
Things got tense we we started discussing what to do if the zombies manage to get inside our house.
“We should definitely stock the car as soon as we see the first report,” I said. “Then it’s just a matter of getting to the car and getting the hell out of there. We also need to put some weapons in the back seat, along with some canned food and water bottles. Oh, and blankets. Definitely blankets.”
“We’ll need a cooler,” my wife said.
Up to now, I was very impressed that she was participating in the conversation. Normally, she just spouts off some nonsense about me preparing for an event that will never come. The movie must’ve had her in a particularly easy going mood.
“Good idea,” I said. “I can use it to keep the drinks cold.”
“I was thinking more about being able to store my insulin,” she said. A little background… my wife has Type 1 diabetes. She’s had it since she was a little kid. She’s been on an insulin pump for most of her life and the insulin for her pump has to be refrigerated.
Of course, that’s how it works in the current world, but we weren’t talking about the current world. We were talking about the zombie apocalypse.
“Wait,” I said. “Why would I need to take insulin?”
“I don’t have diabetes,” I explained. “You do.”
“Right,” she said. “It would be for me.”
I was confused.
“I’m confused,” I said.
“Uh,” my wife said, “I need insulin to live.”
“So when I escape to the car, you’re coming with me?”
I was driving, so I wasn’t looking directly at her, but I could definitely feel the daggers from her stare. “Yes,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I come with you?”
“I just assumed you’d sacrifice yourself so I could escape,” I explained. “Why are you being so obtuse? Is it intentional?”
“Why on earth,” she said, “would you assume I’m going to sacrifice myself so you can escape?”
“You have diabetes,” I said.
“Riiight,” she said.
“So you’re doomed anyway,” I explained. “Seriously, I thought that part was obvious. There’s no damn way we’ll be able to get to a pharmacy. Those places will be overrun by the dead. Once your home supply runs out, it’s done. Game over, man. Game over.”
“I have enough supplies to last a month!” she said. “What if they find a cure before then?”
“Don’t be silly,” I said, chuckling at her naivete. “A cure. Yeah. That’ll happen.”
“At the very least,” she argued, “the world might stabilize. Society could start rebuilding in a matter of weeks. And maybe then we can restock my insulin. Honestly, I’m shocked you want to sacrifice me to zombies.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” I said. “I don’t want to sacrifice you. I just think it might be necessary.”
“What the hell, man.”
I sighed. She clearly wasn’t getting it. “Look,” I said, “It’s very unlikely the world will stabilize within a month. We have to think rationally. People are going to need me. I’m a natural leader. Are you willing to sacrifice the new society on the unlikely chance that things will just work out for you? I have have to survive, for the good of humanity. It’ll be horrible to see you go, but logic really suggests it’s the best way.”
“What exactly were you planning?” she said.
“Well,” I said, “I had assumed you would scream at the zombies and get them to chase you so I could get away.”
“You’re a horrible person,” she said. “Really.”
“I’m not the one putting myself ahead of mankind!” I snapped. “You think I want to live in a zombie apocalypse? Of course not. It’s gonna suck. But the world needs me to live.”
“This might come as a shock to you,” she said, “but you’re not going to be the new world leader.”
“I know that,” I said. “Sheesh. I don’t think I’ll be a world leader. But I’ll probably end up leading our hometown.”
“Hey,” I argued, “I’m a natural leader. Every time I post a new picture on Facebook, I get at least a dozen likes. Usually more!”
She laughed again. “Bran, people find your stupid pictures mildly amusing. That doesn’t make you a natural leader. It makes you a clown.”
“That hurt,” I said.
“YOU WANT TO FEED ME TO ZOMBIES!”
I groaned. “I do not want to feed you to zombies! I just think sacrificing yourself might be the most logical course of action.”
“Well, it’s not happening,” she said. “So start thinking of another way we can get to the car because I’ll be coming with you. And I’ll have my insulin with me. Jerk.”
“Okay,” I said, “but just remember… if I get killed while trying to haul around that cooler, it’s your fault.”
“No problem,” she said. “If you get killed during a zombie apocalypse that will never happen, I’ll take full responsibility.”
And there it was. The “it won’t happen” argument. That’s what she always throws at me when I’m winning a zombie debate.
So yeah… if a zombie apocalypse comes, my plan to rule my hometown is likely ruined. I’ll be far to0 preoccupied with protecting my wife and her insulin.
Stupid diabetes. I hate it.
Granted, my wife probably hates it more, but I hate it too.
Anyway, we got to the theater and watched Warm Bodies. It was fun. I recommend it.
If you want to take a break from the zombie apocalypse, check out Day Soldiers. It’s an apocalypse of the vampire kind.
Day Soldiers Book One
The Book that started it all…
Available at the following retailers. Day Soldiers is available in paperback and ebook formats:
Day Soldiers Book Two
The exciting saga of the Day Soldiers continues…
Available at the following retailers. Purging Fires is available in paperback and ebook formats:
Day Soldiers Book Three
How does it all end? The thrilling conclusion to the Day Soldiers Trilogy.
Currently available for the at the following retailers:
The Sneaker’s Handbook:
A Day Soldiers Guide to Killing Vampires and Werewolves
Your ignorance is the Legion’s most powerful weapon.
This companion piece is the manual that Lily Baxter was issued when she was assigned to the Sneakers.
Currently Available at Amazon.